John Belushi SNL

I got a friend, his name is (male name), he's (nationality) as they come. We used to (verb) together a lot. After two drinks, he would look like an (noun with adjective). You know? You think he had (noun)? In one day he got his (noun) stolen, and the stupid, he had no insurance, and no license, and he gets (verb) for being drunk. And after that, he takes off for someplace like (country), or someplace like that. And his mother dies, ya know, so they (verb) him to tell him to come to the (place). It's his mother's funeral, that's all. And he's in (same country as before) sitting squat-legged listening to some (wild animal). So he comes back and he gets stopped at U.S. Customs for (something illegal), not holding, he's trafficking. I mean, here's this guy (same male name as before), his old lady kicks off, he gets popped at the border and he's sitting on fifty pounds of black Tibetan finger hash and two keys of slam. Now that's not bad luck, that's (adjective) luck.

John Belushi SNL monologue